Thursday, January 14, 2010

Canary in a coal mime

I must say that learning French in France is not the easy task I thought it would be. I kept telling myself that with immersion, the learning curve would be flattened. Being lazy stands that learning curve right back up. Sure I can go into any boulangerie in France and ask for my baguette either Ancienne, normale, or seasemme. It’s painless just walk in and look at the person behind the counter, the millisecond they start to look at you just blurt out “Bon jour“, I’ve actually made it into a game, I watch the top of their eyebrows, as soon as they start to raise, eh viloa! Even when I’m not wearing my beret, striped shirt, and whiteface makeup they think I’m French. You have to blend, that’s my theory, people get me, I think that’s why a lot of the locals ask to have their photo taken with me. I could have cheaped out and bought an inexpensive Marcel Marceau beret, but what’s the point of looking silly. Nope, you have to get the Kangol series mime 104G, 45 euros, but worth it. And another thing, there is face white out, and there’s face white out. I opted for the top shelf Kabuki Deluxe brand, not that cheap Taiwanese four pack deal at LeDrag Shoppe. Don’t want to look silly, that’s all I’m saying. You know the old saying, shoes make the man, well for the traditional French shoe, when wearing a beret, striped shirt, and white face, its not white penny loafers. I get a lot of people asking me about them, but when I start to talk they all indicate that I should sign, I guess they are all hard of hearing over here. Well, that’s why I TALK REALLY LOUD,A N D S L O W, cause I’m an ambassador for the good ole USA, and I’m representing my peeps.
I figure lately you guys haven’t been getting your moneys worth, I’ve been kinda silly. So I’m going to smarten this up a bit, the are many things in France that I stare with awe.
When we visit the medieval towns, I always try to see if I can see some of those self supporting stone stairs. When your over here visiting us, hint, I’ll take you to a few, but for those who may not visit, check out this link. It shows the process of setting up and building a set of stone stairs. I can just imagine a certain Midwest talk show host at this place.
“So you use a Stone material, how long you been here Pierre?”
“We are at ze factory now 12 years” Pierre answers bewilderedly, wondering how bad his English recognition is.
“No, Pierre,…How long have you been in France?‘ The host replies.
“But, ah I am being born here, is this what you are asking? Quizzically.
“Oh Pierre, you are a funny one, So how much does each step weigh, do you start at the bottom?” The host looks at Pierre’s narrowing eyes.
“Each step weighs,…………but of course you start at the bottom,….Where your accent from.? Pierre replies switching tactics.
“Oh I’m from the farm country, Pierre, why do you start from the bottom, these expensive?”
“Why don’t you stop asking the two different questions at once, farm boy.” Pierre is not interested any more in this interview and starts thinking about his two hour lunch.
“Well there you have it, anything you could possibly want to know about stone steps, next week we show you how to build one of the gorgeous stone steps from the top down. You want to show us how that’s done Claude?” Looking at Pierre, the Stone Artisan, now walking back towards him from his work bench, raising a menacing steel mallet above his head.
“So, Philippe is that a real stone hammer, or is it made of steel? Signing off

1 comment:

  1. I can see the makings of "This Old (Farm) House.......a la the French Version
    I'm sure you'll do Norm proud as your questioning becomes fine